Traveling the Eldercare Road

Written by Kevin Pearce

Are you in a season of caring for aging parents—or do you know that season is coming? Most of us expect to prepare for dating, marriage, raising children, and building a career. But few of us prepare for the day when the people who once cared for us begin depending on us for their care. As followers of Christ, we are called to honor our father and mother, and one of the most  significant ways we can do that is by walking with them through the uncertainties of aging— often without knowing what the next doctor's appointment or late-night phone call will bring. It is meaningful work, but it is also demanding and emotionally draining. Changing health, difficult conversations, and countless decisions can leave even the most prepared family feeling overwhelmed.  

When Helena's parents retired, they moved from Arkansas to Durham to be closer to us.  Looking back, that decision became one of God's earliest provisions towards preparing us for eldercare. Over the years, we accompanied them to medical appointments, learned their healthcare routines, helped with finances, and built relationships with their doctors. Helena also began researching retirement communities. That early planning became invaluable. If we could encourage families with one practical lesson, it would be this: begin planning before you think you need to. When a health crisis comes, having already explored your options brings clarity during an otherwise confusing season.  

During a routine doctor's appointment in 2014, my 87-year-old father-in-law C.C. was diagnosed with leukemia. Although I was a cancer survivor and understood much of the medical terminology, the diagnosis still was a lot for us to take in. Almost overnight, our world filled with questions. Should he pursue treatment or focus on comfort? Should C.C. and his wife Kathy remain at home? How should we navigate the emotional, financial, and spiritual implications?  One of the surprises of caregiving was that every important decision created several more questions that needed to be answered.  

After many conversations and much prayer, we decided together that quality of life mattered more than extending life at any cost. Initially, the thought of entering C.C. into first palliative and then hospice care felt frightening, almost like giving up. But we discovered that these wonderful people cared deeply for both patients and their families. God gently taught us that trusting Him sometimes meant accepting care rather than trying to control every outcome.  

The months that followed were some of the hardest of our lives. Medical staff, family, friends, and our church all became part of the journey. When the time came, we also had to gently convince Kathy to let us hire professional caregivers because she still wanted to care for her husband herself, even though it had become more than she could physically manage. On multiple occasions, a caregiver would cancel at the last minute, and either Helena or I would spend the night with my in-laws to help my father-in-law when he needed to use the bathroom. It was a tender reminder that caregiving isn't just physically exhausting—it is emotionally exhausting as well. No spouse or caregiver is meant to carry this burden alone. We need people who will pray with us, bring a meal, sit through a doctor's appointment, offer practical advice, or simply listen without trying to fix everything.  

Eventually, my father-in-law moved into a skilled-nursing facility, where he died peacefully about a week later. Looking back, I remember surprisingly little about the paperwork, medications, and scheduling that once consumed our attention. Instead, I remember conversations around a meal, visits with our daughters, friends who travelled to visit, and the simple affection between my in-laws. Those ordinary moments became sacred. God used them to teach us what honoring our parents truly looks like.  

Our experience reminded us that eldercare is not simply a family responsibility; it is an opportunity for the church to embody Christ's love. Those who have already walked this road have wisdom worth sharing, and those just beginning should never feel they must reinvent the wheel. By telling our stories, we help prepare one another for seasons we cannot predict.  

If you are caring for aging parents today, I hope you hear this: you are not alone. Christ walks with you, and His people walk with you as well. And if this is not your season yet, look around.  Someone in our church almost certainly carries this burden. Your prayers, encouragement, presence, and practical help may become God's answer to their prayers. Life is hard, but God continues to redeem it through His people. As caregivers, we must remain spiritually and emotionally recharged so that we can continue faithfully loving and honoring the parents He has entrusted to us.