Perfectionism

Written by Stephen Buckley

Those of us who grew up in a dysfunctional family, as I did, know that perfectionism is often the way we manage the disorder around us. If we do everything just right, then maybe Mom won’t yell. Dad won’t lash out. Maybe they’ll both be proud of me. 

And so I was the straight-A student who tried never to get into trouble. I never wanted to let anyone down. In fact, if you were my friend, you noticed that I was always apologizing. Sometimes, half-jokingly, I’d apologize for apologizing so much.

I didn’t see my perfectionism as a bad thing. It made me, for example, a better reporter and editor. After writing a story and sending it off to be published, it wasn’t unusual for me to bolt awake in the middle of the night, heart galloping, mind ablaze, wondering: Did I get that age right? Are those dates correct? Was that sequence of events right? The prospect of an error terrified me.

My perfectionism bled into my spiritual life too, but its impact there was insidious. A bad day would morph into a bad week or a bad month because I couldn’t accept God’s forgiveness for my many shortcomings. How could a perfect God love someone as broken as me? I believed that my sins and foibles outstripped God’s mercy.

It is a lie many of us believe. And we believe it because we don’t really accept that we are saved by grace. We believe that we can make some contribution, however small, to our own salvation. Yet the Bible refutes that again and again.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith” Paul writes in Ephesians 2. “It is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Titus 2:11 and 12 say, “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions.” A couple of verses later, Paul tells us that Christ “gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness.” In the New Testament, the word “grace” shows up 124 times. 

As I read and type those verses, I’m struck again by this truth: Not only has God saved us, but He also promises to transform us. We don’t have to change ourselves; that’s the work of the Holy Spirit. Our job is to walk by faith in the freedom Christ has won for us. As Jesus said: “So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” 

In other words, perfectionism is an enemy of grace. It torments us by telling us that Christ’s work isn’t enough. And as a result, we think we aren’t enough. 

So the next time our perfectionism crowds out the reality of Christ’s boundless mercy, we should pause and take a breath. Instead of lamenting our brokenness, let’s rejoice in the One who was broken for us. Instead of ignoring God’s lavish grace, let’s embrace it wholeheartedly. Instead of flogging ourselves for our imperfections, let’s remind ourselves that Jesus was, and is, perfect. Which means we don’t have to be.