A Solid Foundation

Written by Thomas Bass

I often feel like preparations for life parallel those of a small child building a sandcastle on the beach. After a full day of focused and careful crafting, I am always taken off guard when the first wave of high tide rapidly and unexpectedly crashes into my proud creation, dramatically altering that on which I had so diligently labored. Over the past decade, I have slowly been crafting my life into a form of my own choosing. After I graduated from grad school, my wife and I moved back to the Triangle, started new jobs, bought a house, and had our first child. However, this year my life was hit by an unexpected wave. Just five days after the birth of our second child, Lillian, our eldest son, Benjamin was diagnosed with autism. Within a moment, my life that I had been so carefully planning and constructing was instantaneously and dramatically altered.

I know life is unpredictable and often difficult, but I’m the type of person who tries to account for everything anyway. I seek to protect my castle in some hopeless belief that if I build a moat deep enough and seawalls tall enough, the transformative forces of nature will be unable to reach and alter my handiwork. However, not surprisingly my defensive measures are not always sufficient to predict and overcome the unpredictable nature of life. Is during this times that I realize the need for God to serve as strong foundation for my life and the parable of the wise and foolish builders seems all the more pertinent:

24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” Matthew 7:24-27 (NIV)

Following God doesn’t guarantee a life excluded from toil and tragedy. In this parable, both builders had to plan and labor to construct their homes, and both houses were exposed to the same destructive forces of nature. The sole difference between the resilient house and the demolished house is the foundation, and the same is true of our lives. God provides stability that cannot be matched by any other source. Although initially feeling like I was being washed away after first receiving the news of Benjamin’s diagnosis, time spent in prayer and the Word brought comfort in the knowledge that God is unchanging, all knowing, and completely good. Knowing this brought reassurance that God has a plan for Benjamin and for my family.

By ourselves we are only capable of building kingdoms of sand, which get eroded away by time, nature, and unforeseen events. However, the Kingdom of God is one that is eternal, impregnable, and ultimately one of eternal glory. Armed with this knowledge, we can withstand anything life throws our way, for we know “Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures throughout all generations. The Lord is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works.” Psalm 145:13

If you have a chance today, consider the life you are building. Is your foundation in God?

Praying for An Exceptional School

Written by Jina Yoo

As another new school year begins, I have mixed feelings as a parent…especially as a parent of a child on the autism spectrum. On one hand, I am excited for another school year for my children- an opportunity to grow and learn not only academically, but socially, emotionally, and in overall life skills. On the other hand, school has not always been easy for us. We have experienced the hardship of finding the right school setting for my son on the spectrum. It can bring feelings of anxiety, stress, and disappointment. Ultimately, I must have faith- I must believe the Lord loves my children more than I do and that He has a plan for them!

Our past difficulty in finding the right fit for my son’s education has revealed a huge need in our lives. Our son would thrive in a school setting that can help manage his behavioral and sensory needs, while still giving him the chance to learn and advance academically. Currently, we have not been able to find such a school in the Triangle. If given the right environment, I KNOW that my son can learn, not only life skills, but academic knowledge. In the past couple of years, I have witnessed him advancing academically (at his own pace) as our friend has kindly taken on the task of teaching him in a one-on-one setting at home.

I know that Lawrence and I are not alone in this need for a different kind of school- a school that helps children regulate their bodies throughout the day so that their minds can soak up the knowledge they are being taught, a school that has enough resources to accommodate disabilities, a school with smaller teacher-to-student ratios yet one that is affordable, a school that is self-sustaining, a school that brings children and teens together who are different and gives them hope for their future!

On our own, this task is way too big and far beyond our reach, but we know the Lord can do anything. If our dream for this school becomes a reality, we will know that it was completely by the power and generous love of God. Would you pray with me? Will you ask the Lord to provide the land, building, administration, teachers, therapists, and students that are necessary to build this school in the Triangle?

If you have any questions or if you would like to know more about our hopes and vision for this school, please feel free to reach out to Lawrence or me. Thank you for being a community that appreciates the ways all children reflect the image of God and for being a church that trusts God with big things!

5 Ways to Love a Family with a Child with Special Needs

Written by Jina Yoo

Reposted from last year.

As parents of a child on the spectrum, Lawrence and I are thankful for a supportive church family. We are also thankful that Waypoint has become home to other families with children with special needs. I know that it can sometimes feel intimidating to know what to say and do to help those with the unique challenges and blessings that special needs bring to a family. I have put together a list of a few action steps that I hope you will find helpful.

1. Be Inclusive

Parents of children with special needs often wonder if their child will be accepted by their peers and if they will be able to make friends. We worry that other kids avoid them because they are different. We understand the human tendency to gravitate towards those who are similar to us, but we pray our children will not be excluded. Our children with special needs will need intentional support to move into relationships with other children their age.

Action step: Be intentional in greeting every child. One mother of a child with a disability told me, “The thing I appreciate the most is when people delight in and assume potential in my son. I love when people assume that he can learn, feel, and understand even if he cannot communicate or they cannot understand his communication.” When planning a group activity, try to think of play environments that can be more conducive for a child with special needs, such as a secure area with a fence or a place without loud noises. Give the child a chance to participate in activities - do not leave them out because you think he or she cannot do it. If you set an example by being inclusive, the children around you are more likely to be more inclusive. However, be understanding if the parents choose to decline and know that they are thankful to be invited. (Book recommendation: God’s Very Good Idea by Trilla Newbell)

2. Be Encouraging

Parents with children with special needs are often in the process of grieving the loss of certain expectations for their child. In addition to worrying about their child’s relationships, they might carry the weight of worry about their child’s education, basic life skills, and questions about who will care for them in the future. These parents are often unable to attend church services or events because of the extra care and support needed for their child. This combination can lead to discouragement, emotionally and spiritually. Take opportunities to encourage these families, both the parents and the children.

Action step: Think of ways you and your child can encourage a family with a child with special needs (i.e., tell the parent of how you specifically observed their child’s progress or tell them about something their child did during church that brought a smile to your face).

3. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask Questions

It can be uncomfortable to bring up a sensitive topic, such as a disability or a chronic illness, but how will someone know that you are thinking about them if you don’t ask? With that said, there are ways to ask questions to show you are being thoughtful and aware of their needs.

Action step: Ask how you can be inclusive. Ask how the child is doing without generalizing (i.e., I have a friend who has a child with autism too, and she…). Try not to frame things in the negative (i.e. do you think she is ever going to talk more?) but instead frame things in the positive (i.e., I noticed she is communicating more with me lately, how has she been doing in speech therapy?). Ask how the parent is doing. Ask out of genuine care and love for that family.

NOTE: Parents may sometimes choose to confide only in certain friends, so if they choose not to answer your question specifically, that is ok. However, if they do choose to confide in you about their struggles or their child’s struggles, please keep that information confidential unless otherwise stated.

4. Be Understanding

Our children with special needs may have outbursts or behaviors that can be distracting. Do not judge a parent for any perceived lack of control over their children because they are likely struggling and just as frustrated as an observer may be. And keep in mind that some children with special needs do not look like they have special needs, so always remember that you never know if there is more going on in a child’s life than meets the eye. Try to understand that often parents fear how their children will be received more than anything else. Parents’ previous hurts and insecurities come out when it comes to their children and so much more for those of us with children with special needs. We want our kids to be accepted, loved, encouraged, and esteemed, just like every other child.

Action step: If a child is in the middle of an outburst, be kind and ask the parent how you can help them. Try not to draw more attention to the matter. Kindness and gentleness go a long way.

5. Educate Yourself and Your Child

Families with a child with special needs have to educate themselves in order to navigate their child’s needs. Although it may not be expected of you to know as much about the disability, any effort towards this end is very much appreciated. Also, try to avoid negative-sounding words, such as “weird” or “normal” (the opposite is “abnormal”) - instead use words like “typical” or “neurotypical” or “on the spectrum.”

Action step: Teach your children to be understanding of the issues their peers have. Parents can help their typical children understand how God makes us differently but loves us just the same. (Book recommendation: One Three Nine Inspired books written about various disabilities, like Nathan’s Autism Spectrum Superpowers).

Waypoint’s Buddy Ministry seeks to serve children with special needs and their families. If you would like to learn more about how you can volunteer to be a “buddy,” please contact Megan Klingler (Megan@waypointrdu.com)